From L.A to Hell No

Last week was interesting. I started out on Monday, flying across the country on Oprah's dime to be on one of the OWN talk shows that has been renewed for a second season. I flew there, stayed at the Hollywood Renaissance, was driven around in limos and ate all on the shows dime. By the end of the week I was at a crummy $12 an hour temp assignment, working a help desk for an enormous convention for top life insurance salesmen. Not just the help desk, but also the lost and found, so I got the pleasure of having to deal with frustrated non-native English speakers who didn't want to hear it when I told them no one had returned their lost wallet, IPhone, passport, etc.

The TV show was unexpected surprise. Many months ago, the OWN website asked for stories of people affected by the recession, lost jobs, losing homes, etc, and I had written about my experiences since losing my job with my long time employer at the beginning of 2009. I wrote about how I had thought that it would be two, maybe three months at the most before I found another job back at my former income. Instead, here we were, two and a half years later, and I've done nothing besides worked a series of either temporary or very underpaid positions almost at half my former salary, hanging on to my condo by a thread, credit completely trashed till who knows when. The producers apparently found my story interesting, and a month or so ago, out of nowhere, I got a call asking me to send them more info and pictures.

One thing led to another, and after what felt like a few minutes had passed, I found myself flying two thousand miles to spend 36 hours for the first time in Los Angeles. The stay was short, but it was nice to be driven by (a very nice and Hollywood savvy) Russian driver to the Renaissance:

I also got to see the sight of the Academy Awards, the amazing Kodak theatre, and adjoining Hollywood & Highland mall, as they were right next to the hotel:

This was the first time I'd ever been on a television show, and facing a host panel of Oprah's favorite advice givers was terrifying. I thought it would be a little intimidating, but my knees were so tightly locked before they took us all to our seats in front of the stage, I was truly worried about fainting.

Fortunately, my part was brief, because I don't think I could have stood talking about my impending foreclosure and crapped out credit with Suze Ormond for more than a handful of minutes anyway.

Overall, I'm glad I did it. The depression of the last couple of years has put me into an emotional rut that feel impossible to get out of. When they played the short video I made at home, talking about my situation, I cringed at seeing how depressed and worn out I looked. The person on screen has clearly lost her swagger.

Since I've been back, I've tried to use the momentum from the experience to pull myself out of the pit of despair. I know there are many people out there in the same situation as myself, or even worse. I think when the economy improves, there will be a lot of research and data about how the number of people who were severely clinically depressed during this time. Even the most optimistic person can eventually sink under the weight of constant interviewing, missed opportunities, ongoing funds for anything that is remotely fun, etc.

I'm hoping the process of writing about my thoughts and feelings will be uplifting, and maybe give me some perspective on life. Maybe sharing the experiences in words will open my mind to what direction my life really needs to head in.